Self Worth

1 Samuel 16:7 

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, the Lord looks at the heart." 

Often times we forget that what God sees in us is worth much more than what anyone on this earth could ever think. For me this has been a struggle to accept and feel my whole life. I tend to look at the outside and feel so empty on the inside. For example my weight. I have suffered from weight issues and problems my whole life. I have been so skinny and suffered from anorexia, to the struggles of seeing myself gain weight again beyond a healthy perception. This has continued to be an ongoing problem. The worst is that people will judge- even if it is subconsciously. They do. I have even had comments about my weight said straight to my face, and that sends the worse sort of painful surge straight through my entire body. 

This evening I was walking down the festive, decorated streets of Manhattan when someone approached me and commented about my weight. He was preaching about being vegan and how we cannot abuse the lives of animals. He went to tell me that my life would be better if I did not eat meat and that I would be a lot slimmer. That even the coffee in my hand was making me fatter. I could not believe I was in this conversation being ambushed with question after question about my lifestyle and my options of self worth. I was shocked. I've been back and forth from the city my whole life and have never been more personally targeted. 

However I did not say anything negative about this guy or about being rude. I remembered that isn't me anymore and that God's opionion of me is more valuable than anything this man could ever say. I almost felt sorry for this guy too. But I did not forget God through this. I did not forget it is Jesus' season and that we need to remain happy and see the beauty in every situation before us. Yes, I was hurt for a few minutes after they left. Yes, I do struggle with weight and self perception. I did not even want to admit it or review my opionions. I didn't want to have to talk about it now like this. But I know God must have wanted me to relay this message. God wanted me to see myself for who I am and not what this world sees. Yes I'm sure most people look at me and don't see much beauty, but I still have to get better at realizing God's love for me is deeper than anyone else's. I can fix my perception and the number on the scale with His help. But I cannot, and will not, continue to live on thinking that what this world or other guys sees is of substantial value. 

My prayer for all of you is that you feel our Lord's love this wonderful Christmas season. That you know this is His season and that you feel the urge to bring joy and positive compliments to the world around you. This world in such desperate need of our greatest commandment to one another: love. 

Photo: Rockefeller Plaza NYC